NAAM18 November Poll Results Powered by Adoptees Connect

Here are the completed poll results we promised our followers and the online adoption community.

For the non-adoptees who might come across this article, we’re happy you are here. There is no one in the adoption “arena” who is more experienced about what it feels like to be adopted than adult adoptees. Our experiences are the most valuable you will ever come across. At Adoptees Connect one of our core beliefs is that we always put adoptee voices FIRST. We encourage you to open your heart to listen and learn from adult adoptees because it could be a matter of life or death.

We conducted these polls on our Facebook page How Does it Feel to Be Adopted? Some have commented how the questions were hard to answer, and we should have allowed for more selections, hence the options to choose from weren’t easy to choose. Unfortunately the way Facebook has the polls set up, this isn’t an option. We only had the option to ask basic questions, with one word options.

A special THANK YOU to every single adoptee who took the time to vote and share your voices and experiences. Some of these polls weren’t easy to vote on.  We’ve found these polls were validating for so many of us, which can change everything for an adoptee. To finally feel like others have felt the same way, and others understand us. It’s a freeing and liberating feeling when we all come together to share our voices.

It’s powerful and it’s time! 

We experienced some background noise regarding these polls, but not enough to overshadow our voices.  We noticed in some online conversations that were sparked by these polls, there where many wanted to argue that these results aren’t valid because “I’M ADOPTED AND DIDN’T FEEL THAT WAY” or “MY ADOPTED SON LOVES TO CELEBRATE GOTCHA DAY!”.

This only attempted to invalidate the thousands of adoptees who DO FEEL THIS WAY. 

As we share these results with our followers and the online adoption community, we challenge you to step outside what you’ve always known about adoption and REALLY read these results with an open mind, an open heart and the willingness to understand that not everyone feels like you, and not every adoptee has the same story. There is another side of adoption that you possibly didn’t know about. We challenge you to try to get to know adult adoptees who have the best lived experiences in the adoption equation. Please understand that if you are an adoptee, you are ONE ADOPTEE. There are thousands of us out here who are longing to be heard,  understood and validated. We challenge you to have compassion for others who don’t see things the way you do.  We all come from a wide array of valuable lived experiences shared in these polls.

The Adoptee Experience. 

 

Special shout out to Kevin Engle for assisting in making our poll results possible! Kevin is our facilitator of our Lancaster, PA Adoptees Connect Group.

We appreciate you Kevin! 

Here are the poll results for our

NAAM18 CAMPAIGN “CAN YOU HEAR US NOW”

 

1. Are you okay with being referred to as a gift?

 

378 Respondents        Yes 12%          No 88%

 

2. Do you find it easy to make eye contact with others?

 

401 Respondents        Yes 40%          No 60%

 

3. For those that feel the primal wound and/or separation from your biological mother created a trauma, do you feel it has impacted your life in a positive, or a negative way?

 

295 Respondents        Positive 3%     Negative 97%

 

4. Do you feel the primal wound and/or separation from your mother is trauma?

 

208 Respondents        Yes 94%          No 6%

 

5. For those who have searched and found, do you find you traded one kind of pain for another? As in, living in the “unknown” vs the reality of the “known” after you search and find.

 

291 Respondents        Yes 82%          No 18%

 

6. Do you have reoccurring dreams of searching for your birth family?

 

256 Respondents        Yes 32%          No 68%

 

7. For those who searched and found, overall, do you regret searching?

 

326 Respondents        Yes 11%          No 89%

 

8. For those who were told your birth mother, “Loved you so much she gave you away” – did this impact your view of love in a negative way?

 

346 Respondents        Yes 77%          No 23%

 

9. Do you feel there is little research done on adult adoptees because society treats us as if we have

never grown up?

 

400 Respondents        Yes 78%          No 22%

 

10. Adoptees have talked about preparing for what they find when they search, but for those who searched and found – is there any real way to prepare for what you found?

 

300 Respondents        Yes 8%            No 92%

 

11. For those who were told they were adopted, do you feel you have been searching for clues to your history and biological families consciously and/or unconsciously all of your life?

 

209 Respondents        Yes 94%          No 6%

 

12. Have you ever experienced deep rooted self hate?

 

243 Respondents        Yes 79%          No 21%

 

13. For those who have found their biological mothers, has she denied you the right to know who your biological father is?

 

262 Respondents         Yes 36%          No 64%

 

14. For those who have searched, did you find out your biological mother was abusing substances/alcohol while she was pregnant with you?

 

185 Respondents        Yes 24%          No 76%

 

15. Have you struggled with establishing a positive self image?

 

337 Respondents        Yes 94%          No 6%

 

16. If you had your DNA tested, do you feel “whole” because now you know “what” you are?

 

299 Respondents        Yes 33%          No 67%

 

17. Have you ever found home?

 

461 Respondents        Yes 39%          No 61%

 

18. Do you have nightmares that you want to go home but can’t?

 

236 Respondents        Yes 41%          No 59%

 

19. Has it helped you to connect with other adoptees who speak the same language as you?

 

279 Respondents        Yes 92%          No 8%

 

20. If you experienced reunion with your birth mother, did you reject her out of the anger that reunion caused?

 

184 Respondents        Yes 18%          No 82%

 

21. Do you have feelings of sadness or despair on or around the time of your birthday?

 

463 Respondents        Yes 77%          No 23%

 

22. Have you ever tried to commit suicide at any point in your life?

 

529 Respondents        Yes 45%          No 55%

 

23. For those who feel being adopted has impacted every area of your life, do you feel it’s impacted it in a more positive or negative way?

 

323 Respondents        Positive 13%   Negative 87%

 

24. Do you feel you were conditioned by your adoptive families and society to feel positively about your adoption experience?

 

352 Respondents        Yes 84%          No 16%

 

25. Do you feel adoption practices today are inhumane and unethical.

 

227 Respondents        Yes 85%          No 15%

 

26. Do you feel you are behind in life?

 

326 Respondents        Yes 81%          No 19%

 

27. In your life have you ever been shamed into being silent about sharing your adoptee status, story, questions and/or experience?

 

366 Respondents        Yes 72%          No 28%

 

28. Do you believe at some point in your adoptee journey you came out of the adoption “Fog?”

 

365 Respondents        Yes 76%          No 24%

 

29. Do you believe all open adoptions need to be legally binding?

 

232 Respondents        Yes 90%          No 10%

 

30. Have you struggled with “FEELING LOVE?”

 

318 Respondents         Yes 90%          No 10%

 

31. Do you feel you had/have A.D.D. | A.D.H.D. but you haven’t been diagnosed?

 

260 Respondents        Yes 43%          No 67%

 

32. Do feel that the sealing of any child’s record at birth is a violation of that child’s constitutional and human rights?

 

428 Respondents        Yes 98%          No 2%

 

33. Do you feel adoption has given you a 6^th sense about people?

 

280 Respondents        Yes 76%          No 24%

 

34. Do any adoptees feel like you’re running out of time?

 

327 Respondents        Yes 73%          No 27%

 

35. Do you struggle with your sexual identity because of adoption?

 

347 Respondents         Yes 14%          No 86%

 

36. Did you spend time in your childhood wishing, dreaming, or thinking your birth mother/father was going to come back for you?

 

379 Respondents        Yes 77%          No 23%

 

37. Have you always been determined to find the truth of your origins for as long as you can remember?

 

330 Respondents        Yes 79%          No 21%

 

38. Did you obsess with thinking about your birth family growing up?

 

324 Respondents        Yes 74%          No 26%

 

39. Do you agree with adoptive moms breastfeeding their adopted babies through induced lactation?

 

525 Respondents        Yes 21%          No 79%

 

40. Were you made to feel ashamed growing up for asking questions about your biological families?

 

357 Respondents        Yes 61%          No 39%

 

41. Are you in favor of the term “Gotcha Day?”

 

377 Respondents        Yes 5%            No 95%

 

42. Would it have meant a lot to you to have something of tangible value of your birth families? A letter, pictures, cards, keepsakes?

 

493 Respondents        Yes 94%          No 6%

 

43. For those who had adoptive parents who struggled with infertility and had unresolved infertility issues BEFORE adopting – Do you feel this had a positive, or negative impact on your life?

 

244 Respondents        Positive 15%   Negative 85%

 

44. Do you feel you lived up to the expectations your adoptive parents were looking for when they adopted you?

 

451 Respondents        Yes 19%          No 81%

 

45. For those who had adoptive parents that struggled with infertility, do you feel they healed from infertility issues BEFORE they adopted you?

 

244 Respondents        Yes 15%          No 85%

 

46. Have you felt isolated and alone regarding your adoptee journey?

 

290 Respondents        Yes 92%          No 8%

 

47. For those who found your biological families, are you more similar or different to them in personality?

 

359 Respondents        Similar 80%    Different 20%

 

48. Overall, do you feel happy about your adoptee experience?

 

400 Respondents        Yes 29%          No 71%

 

49. Did it upset you when people would say, “You’re so lucky to have been adopted by your parents?”

 

450 Respondents        Yes 88%          No 12%

 

50. Do you feel you have a learning disability, but it’s never been diagnosed?

 

250 Respondents        Yes 35%          No 65%

 

51. Do you feel you had anxiety in your childhood as a result of your adoption experience?

 

405 Respondents        Yes 87%          No 13%

 

52. Have you been diagnosed with a learning disability?

 

392 Respondents        Yes 23%          No 77%

 

53. Have you experienced chronic insomnia?

 

330 Respondents        Yes 62%          No 38%

 

54. Have you ever felt in your lifetime that you were born a burden?

 

357 Respondents        Yes 86%          No 14%

 

55. For those who “Acted Out” as a teenager, do you feel adoption issues were the root cause?

 

204 Respondents        Yes 86%          No 14%

 

56. Do you feel you bonded with your adoptive parents?

 

516 Respondents        Yes 43%          No 57%

 

57. Do you feel you have spent time trying to numb your adoptee pain by attempting to avoid reality by using substances or addictive behaviors as a means to escape?

 

247 Respondents        Yes 65%          No 35%

 

58. Do you feel you have been forced to live a double existence?

 

287 Respondents        Yes 84%          No 16%

 

59. Would it have helped you if your adoptive parents opened up conversations when you were growing up about the loss of your birth family, encouraging you to share your feelings about the loss?

 

333 Respondents        Yes 91%          No 9%

 

60. Do you have a hard time trying to articulate your feelings about being adopted?

 

349 Respondents        Yes 80%          No 20%

 

61. Do you feel like society and/or your adoptive parent/s treat you like a perpetual child as if you’ve never grown up?

 

344 Respondents        Yes 69%          No 31%

 

62. Did you fantasize you had a twin growing up?

 

333 Respondents        Yes 55%          No 45%

 

63. Has not knowing your birth story impacted you in a positive or negative way?

 

269 Respondents        Positive 6%     Negative 94%

 

64. Have you ever been in a substance abuse treatment facility in your lifetime?

 

277 Respondents        Yes 11%          No 89%

 

65. Have you ever been prescribed anti-depressants or mood stabilizers as a result of your adoption issues?

 

327 Respondents        Yes 59%          No 41%

 

66. Do you feel you have been given proper space to mourn all you have lost regarding your adoption experience?

 

285 Respondents        Yes 9%            No 91%

 

67. For those of you who were told the “Chosen” baby story, did this HELP you or HURT you?

 

165 Respondents        Help 22%        Hurt 78%

 

68. Have you ever been in jail or prison at any time in your life?

 

532 Respondents        Yes 11%          No 89%

 

69. Did, or do you feel you have a loyalty to your adoptive parents which has halted you from searching for your biological families?

 

304 Respondents        Yes 52%          No 48%

 

70. Have you ever been physically abused by either of your adoptive parents as a minor?

 

252 Respondents        Yes 34%          No 66%

 

71. Were you told one or both of your biological parents had passed away but found it to be untrue?

 

206 Respondents        Yes 8%            No 92%

 

72. Adoptees have talked about preparing for what they find when they search, but for those who searched and found – is there any real way to prepare for what you found?

 

316 Respondents        Yes 8%            No 92%

 

73. Have you ever been sexually abused by anyone in your adoptive family other than your adoptive parents?

 

244 Respondents        Yes 21%          No 79%

 

74. For those who were told they were adopted, do you feel you have been searching for clues to your history and biological families consciously and/or unconsciously all of your life?

 

225 Respondents        Yes 94%          No 6%

 

75. Do you feel as if you are a pawn and that you have been denied of your own free will, moved around by others making choices for you that you had/have no control over?

 

273 Respondents        Yes 79%          No 21%

 

76. Has adoptee pain been hard to let go of because it’s all you have to hang on to?

 

243 Respondents        Yes 71%          No 29%

77. Have you ever been involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric facility?

 

263 Respondents        Yes 13%          No 87%

 

78. Do you think not having anyone to genetically mirror as an adoptee has had a negative or positive impact on your self esteem and/or life in general?

 

244 Respondents        Positive 4%     Negative 96%

 

79. Were either or both of your adoptive parents alcoholics?

 

277 Respondents         Yes 26%          No 74%

 

80. Were either or both of your adoptive parents addicted to prescription pain pills and/or street drugs?

 

305 Respondents        Yes 11%          No 89%

 

81. Have you ever been sent to a therapeutic community/therapeutic boarding school or wilderness program as a teen?

 

285 Respondents        Yes 9%            No 91%

 

82. Do you seek out physical connection? Connection being closeness, hugs, holding. (Not sex)

 

292 Respondents        Yes 46%          No 54%

 

83. Do you feel there is little research done on adult adoptees because society treats us as if we have never grown up?

 

416 Respondents        Yes 78%          No 22%

 

84. Have you participated in risky behavior such as drug use, smoking cigarettes, violent behavior, promiscuous sex, petty theft, or alcohol abuse?

 

239 Respondents        Yes 73%          No 27%

 

85. Do you believe it’s ethical when adoptive parents withhold the fact that a person is adopted?

 

555 Respondents        Yes 10%          No 90%

 

86. Were you given up for adoption without your biological father’s consent?

 

379 Respondents        Yes 64%          No 36%

 

87. Have you ever been sexually abused by either of your adoptive parents as a minor?

 

384 Respondents        Yes 10%          No 90%

 

88. Have you ever experienced deep rooted self hate?

 

261 Respondents        Yes 80%          No 20%

 

89. Did/do you sense anxiety and discomfort from your adoptive parents when you ask/ed questions about your adoption?

 

305 Respondents        Yes 78%          No 22%

 

90. Have you ever self harmed?

 

245 Respondents        Yes 54%          No 46%

 

91. For those who have found their biological mothers, has she denied you the right to know who your biological father is?

 

279 Respondents        Yes 37%          No 63%

 

92. Do you feel you have to put on a front for the world, but deep inside have you ever felt empty, helpless, a loner, afraid of rejection, abandoned, anxious to please, or submissive yet full of rage?

 

257 Respondents        Yes 95%          No 5%

 

93. For those who have searched, did you find out your biological mother was abusing substances/alcohol while she was pregnant?

 

221 Respondents         Yes 26%          No 74%

 

94. Has it helped you to connect with other adoptees who speak the same language as you?

 

317 Respondents        Yes 93%          No 7%

 

95. If you experienced reunion with your birth mother, did you reject her out of the anger that reunion caused?

 

214 Respondents        Yes 18%          No 82%

 

96. Do you feel the primal wound and/or separation from your biological mother is a trauma?

 

275 Respondents        Yes 92%          No 8%

 

97. With adoption being such a delicate and sensitive subject, do you feel it’s a violation of an adoptees privacy when adoptive parents share the adoptees’ stories on blogs, websites, etc?

 

247 Respondents        Yes 86%          No 14%

 

98. Do you agree or disagree with the term “forever family/home” when it’s commonly used in re- homing & foster care ads, knowing it’s a pet rescue phrase?

 

337 Respondents        Agree 11%      Disagree 89%

 

For any non-adoptees that made it this far, Ask an Adoptee is a community that was created for non- adoptees to ask adoptees questions. This is a wonderful resource for anyone wanting to seek advice and wisdom from adult adoptees.

This concludes our NAAM18 November Poll from our Campaign “CAN YOU HEAR US NOW”. Moving forward we would like to recommend Adoption Surveys for all your adoption survey needs!

**For anyone that’s made it this far, how do you feel about these results? Can you relate? Did you experience any of these things growing up? If so, what we’re some of the similarities you experienced?